via
http://ift.tt/2iPoyef:
geekwithsandwich:
chronicillnessmemes:
mm-imagerie:
livebloggingmydescentintomadness:
One of the fucked up things about chronic pain is that it maneuvers you into a position where you constantly have to decide if you “deserve” pain relief.
Obviously, you’d rather never be in pain, but that’s not an option. You only have a certain number of pills, to completely numb the pain you’d have to take enough to make you drugged and nonfunctional, they lose effectiveness the more often you take them, and they cause side effects.
So when do you get to take them? When the pain is too much to handle, of course, but what about when the everyday, constant pain isn’t worse than usual, but right now you feel like you can’t handle it because it just never stops? Does that make you weak, to cave and take the pills when it’s only “normal” pain? They’re just going to wear off in a few hours anyway. What are you going to do then?
It feels dehumanizing, trying to justify when and how you’ve earned a lessening of pain.
If you can even get a scrip for pain pills at all! Every doctor I’ve ever seen has decided it’s better if I never have any relief versus run the risk of dependence. So when I’m crying alone in the middle of the night unable to move, wishing for death, I know I looked more than one person in the eye and said HELP ME and they all looked back and said NO
This is a serious issue. Dependency does not equate addiction and doctors need to stop conflating the two. My body is dependent on my anti-depressants that doesn’t mean I’m addicted and it doesn’t mean I should be denied that medication. My mom is dependent on her thyroid medication. Her body does not work properly without it and she will be dependent on it for the rest of her life. That does not mean she is addicted to it.
Admin J
I wanna speak to that last bit about asking for help and people saying NO
If you haven’t been there…. you really can’t fully grasp how much this fucks you up mentally.
There is pretty much nothing I’ve ever gone through- and I’ve gone through a LOT- that has done more damage to my ability to trust, my ability to reach out, my ability to even think good things about myself and about other human beings- than being in unbelievable, soul-tearing agony, knowing someone else can stop it, and being told that they will not.
It really doesn’t even matter what their reasoning is.
It just fucks you up. It fucks you up from the very foundations of who you are as a person, if it happens to you enough times. To know that other people have the means to end a suffering that is so bad you’ve seriously considered ending your life, and they just… deny you. There is something so unspeakably cruel about that. It’s shaken my faith that there are even good people out there. Everyone wants to believe that they are kind…. but they are capable of things like this. I don’t open up to people now unless I have known them very well for a very long time. I’m too afraid of that moment when I see just how little faith they are willing to extend to me- the faith just to trust that I am not lying when I say I’m suffering.
idk, maybe not every spoonie, or pain-sufferer, goes through this. but it’s been 12 years now since I first started trying to get someone to help me with my health. 12 years of being turned aside. and I’ve watched myself go from a naive, but genuinely loving and trusting person, to someone who can barely talk to other people at all. and it’s not the illnesses fault.
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